Saturday, 29 October 2016

Spin off story: Heartbreak Helium

I suppose it started? Around August 1997. Blood smeared the phone, it had a cord and a proper dialling system. The only place I ever dialled was denial. Shame rinsed my mouth. I felt deadened from the waist down and scorch rattled through my system but I was bounded by the glass etched in my wrists and the shattered shards of prickled perfume. Rope Alcohol Pills Escape. Rape. He'd left me to survey the massacre he'd made. Pure poison drenched over me like a darkness awash with deadened destruction. I sunk the bottle of whiskey under the sink. The taste was like fuel to fire but I'd readily have gulped down a bottle of bleach, if that's what it took to stop guzzling blood and calm the crashing symphony of my heart. I swallowed back some pills and barely winced as they lodged in my throat. It was a bloodied bath rinsing off regret and shame and sin. It took a while before the fantasy floored through the rising froth. 

The bubbles glistened and the sunken moon magnetised me from the gap in the grotty windows. I stared at the foam until my eyes became psychedelic swirls of stun. "And I wonder, what it means, what it means. To find your dreams come true". Illusion and delusion; the lesser of two evils cloaked in escape. The froth gathered along the betraying bathroom could be Chicago's dazzling skyline, the septic stains and bloodied body in the bath could be the result of red wine and a good time. Imagination was all I had. "This is my song. And no one can take that away." The rim of rock bottom had smashed open. "It's been so long since someone could make me cry." I could pretend. I didn't have to be tied to torture anymore. But I believed him, my boyfriend. He told me if I ever left him he'd slit his throat in front of me, and then I'd have two coffins on my conscience. Other times he'd come back throwing flowers in my face, the insult to injury already blazed along my body; bruised butterflies and scarred sin. I used to stare at the ceiling until it morphed into a black mass of static stars and wonder how the hell I'd ever make my escape. 



Run Away Please Emergency. Stupid. To blame. Your Fault! You make me fucking sick! You deserved it! You made me do it! His abuse became like alchemy to the brain. Acidic Anamnesis. The same anamnesis that had seen ambulances as ice cream vans and a plane crash through a house overlooking our home. They wonder why I hate London. If they ever saw it through my eyes they'd be harassed by hatred too. Once you've suffered a blow, the next one and the next and the next. You become... numb? Paralysed? Glass beads shed at my skull. A mirror shattered against my jawline. What would I tell my twenty five year old self if I could go back? Through the hell there will always be hope. Faith is fractured but it is not broken. I should have covered my tracks. 


BONFIRE NIGHT, 1997
Rollercoasters hurtled over rust-ridden tracks. The lights and blasts of bonfire screamed against my system. Salt and vinegar were in the air, all the excited emotions ubiquitous to a fairground fantasy. For so long it was black and white, now colour threatened to explode into the atmosphere. Jed said: 'You'll be safe here. I promise. Safe with... me.' He had a Northern accent and he said the word look like Luke. I felt angry at the security. I'd sworn off men for life and now, look. Him! Stars blurred and kaleidoscopes whirred. People were throwing sparklers around and I kept catching flashes of burn and spit. Paranoia bled through me like bile. I was so frightened, forever fearing over my shoulder and seeing empty stares and blank looks. 'Shea....?' I said my surname was to do with the seasons. I swiped a hand across my face and he thought I was motioning at a hot summer's day. 'Shea Summers?' I didn't want to confess the Wintery rawness. I became Shea Summers for a while. Perhaps if he hadn't taken my sense away I would've legalised a change of namesake and a new identity. But hooked on the helium of heartbreak, I remained the same. 

7 YEARS LATER
A diamond ring glittered against the orbs, silver pinpricks in a black canvas of night. Johnny held it against the light. Was it stupid? His mum said he could have a Cartier round his cock and Shea still wouldn't take him back, let alone marry him for fuck's sake! The hospital was horrible, but weren't they all? He'd gotten thrown out, kicked out for kicking off. He hadn't expected Another Bloke to be there. Talking to the doctors like he was so damn well important. Straight in from New York, apparently. Johnny had felt tense and threatened, wondering who this snazzy American might be, until he'd caught his accent and realised he was from around here. Johnny told everyone he was Shea's husband but they'd laughed in his face, all of them, and told him to bugger off. Bad enough the other one that had caused this hell was hooked up to monitors and machines. He'd considered pulling the plug, until Mike had pulled him away and given him a rollicking. Shame. The truth would be terminal but it was coming out. And once it was out, there'd be no going back. Only forward, forever. And he could make it right. They could be so happy. Hell would be forsaken for happy. If only. 

 🔮


Lyrics taken from "My Song" by Labi Siffre 
Chicago segment inspired from "I Wonder" by Kanye West 


**** 
For Graham & Yasmin & everyone who has supported me, I love you all!
Read Part I & II of Shea's stories here and here.
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20 comments:

  1. Once again absolutely stunning hun! Your writing is so good, how can I compete with that? :P These short stories you publish are making me want the book more and more so that I can read it and get the whole story and understand all the relationships better! Hopefully 2017 will be the year that happens! ^_^

    Yasmin Qureshi Photography

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  2. I love your writing girl! (I especially adored all the details in this short story!) Can't wait to read your book, and I'm so proud of you!

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  3. I am such a fan of your writing Sophie, you constantly inspire me! As with the rest of the stories I've read from you I absolutely loved this. You are so talented and I always love reading your stories. I can't wait for your book to be completed, I know it's going to be amazing. You are just a star! Hope you're well, Katie xx

    www.thestyleblossom.com

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  4. Another unique and beautifully written piece of work! I love the way you write and the language that you use - just stunning! <3 Well done sweet one, you are amazing! ♥♥♥ I hope that you have an inspiring week ahead of you :) ♥♥♥

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  5. I think it's beautifully gloomy. Keep it up! :]


    // ▲ itsCarmen.com ▲

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  6. Absolutely amazing darling!! I really enjoyed reading this so much, I especially like how you described the fairground. You kept me wanting to read more and more even now I want to read more! The dark beginning was so thrilling to read. Your so talented lovely, keep it up doll!

    Gems | gemsupnorth.co.uk

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  7. I love the idea of a blog story, I've never thought to do one or seen one as i'm quite new to this all but I love it, you write really well :)

    S x | SHELISES WORLD

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  8. Wow I love your writing style and how you've implemented it to be put onto your blog. The photo's included are beautiful and really help put the story all together x

    LAURA ­| Laura Thinks About

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  9. I can't wait to get my hands on your book someday. Thrill is simply dripping off of me as I type this... thank you for sharing these little glimpses of your mind. I am proud to know you even if it is only through the vast sea of the Internet!

    waltzandwillow.com

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  10. I know I've said this before Sophie but I'm so in love with the way you write! It really is like poetry. As for the story, it continues to intrigue me. Your novel is going to be one hell of a read! x

    Kate Louise Blogs / Lingerie Giveaway

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  11. I love your dedication to writing and sharing your spin off stories on your blog Sophie - it's fascinating having an insight into your 'writing mind' :) Happy November!

    Gabrielle | A Glass Of Ice x

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  12. I love this post, I love a good short story and its rare you come across something like this in a blog post. I really like how the pictures really went with the words too.

    Rosy | Sparkles of Light Blog

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  13. :o :o :O MORE PLEASE! Seriously Sophie this was so engrossing to read, although it's inevitably quite a sad story, I found myself so hooked, especially with the way you shifted between times. You certainly know how to hook a reader, now I have so many questions that I want answered.

    You are such a talent girl and to make it even better, you are such a beautiful person inside and out


    Rachel xx
    http://www.thedailyluxe.net

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  14. ........the most well written post I have ever read. end of.
    Aleeha xXx
    http://www.halesaaw.com/

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  15. Creative writing is always so interesting to read. Your storytelling is very descriptive. Very powerful themes here as well.


    Rae | Love from Berlin


    Rae | Love from Berlin

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  16. Yes, yes, yes! I haven't read a great bit of fiction for a while and this was a very welcome treat Sophie! You had me at the title to be honest, I loved everything about this installment. I'm so looking forward to you completing your book! You are so talented :) xxx

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  17. Oh I love your writing so much Sophie, I get so drawn in and I never want it to end!! I hope your novel is going well because I for one will be first in line to read it!! :) xx

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  18. Another fantastic story Soph! You really do have loads of talent. Can't wait to read your next one. Just as good and had me hooked as the last one did!

    Love Hannah xx

    www.HannahHawes.com

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